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There’s much to be Thankful for. Let’s start at the top:
• To President Obama, for taking the bait and allowing the Republicans to take advantage of your attempt at bipartisanship (which you must have known would never work) and for not living up to your promise of being a great one-term president. Considering the likely opposition, you might win re-election based simply on the “Him? Really?” factor, but don’t look for any help from the economy. Stand by your convictions.
• To Congress, for sinking to such a low approval rating that even Communist thinking ranks ahead of you in the polls. Thanks, too, for saying “no” to compromise, standing tough on gridlock and sending our nation spiraling toward the brink of economic collapse.
• To the Class of 2012 of Republican Presidential Candidates for providing a constant source of grist for our snarky mill. Honestly, we’d just as soon give this up, but the stakes are too high and you are too uninspiring, vapid and often just plain crazy. Some of you make us feel nostalgic for Dan Quayle.
• To our 3rd District Republican Candidates, for all the same reasons as above. We’re left flat by Incumbent Chuck, who comes across as earnest—but in that uneasy, robotic, read-from-the-talking-points kind of way—but like most freshman, is eager to please his party elders in Washington. “He’ll do,” the rank-and-file seems to exhale. Weston, we admire your youthful vigor, but perhaps you should compile a resume before taking this leap. City council could use an infusion of fresh, young faces and your lack of experience in that setting would not be so obvious. Lady J, honey, we love you and you bring some street game to this race—but we’re thinking the train has left the station. It’s not that you haven’t paid your dues or lack credentials—we get dizzy reading your CV—but we just don’t feel this is your horse. We could be wrong, we’d like to be wrong because, really, anyone who calls Chuck and the Party Establishment a whore deserves a vote!
• To the Local Democratic Party, for nothing. We know it’s a tough gig to be a Donk, let alone a progressive mule, in this town and get elected, but you’ve got to come out to play.
• To the Local Media, for being the essence of Mildly Balanced, our new favorite catchphrase. It’s like having a Mild Feminine Itch, isn’t it? (Yes, we do think so!) and it gives us the same not-so-fresh feeling!
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