November 2, 2011

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Scary week, huh? And we ain’t talkin’ Halloween!

Noted chain-smoker, merlot connoisseur and House Speaker John Boehner parachuted into town to boost Chuck Fleischmann’s reelection campaign during a private fundraiser at the Walden Club. The gig went well according to all reports (which wasn’t easy to report, since reporters—bona fide 99-percenters—were banned from the event) and Chuck added substantially more to his campaign coffers than the $125,000 they had hoped for.

Still, the Republican Party didn’t go off without a hitch. Occupy Chattanooga protesters gathered outside, taunting the $1,000-a-platers and the Speaker of the House didn’t get out of town unnoticed. Baseball fan Boehner quaffed a bottle of merlot and watched the World Series at Hennen’s after his speech, stepping outside to light up (should have gone to The Honest Pint, John) and posing for photos with stunned patrons. No word on the tip.

Meanwhile, 3rd District candidate Dr. Jean Howard-Hill wasn’t timid in her opposition to Chuck’s pricey gala, blasting the incumbent congressman for treating Congress like a whore. “Congress is not a whore that you pay to have your way with her,” Howard-Hill—aka “Lady J”—said in a statement. “I find it reprehensible that Congressman Fleischmann…would flaunt this kind of ‘wealthy only’ event before working people trying to make ends meet—and to do it in broad daylight in their own front yard! There will be no whores if I am elected.”

You tell ’em, Lady J!

Memo to Chuck: If you’re gonna treat Congress like a whore, don’t do it in broad daylight. For shame.

Memo to Lady J: We really dig your Soul Train-esque moniker! Word! But just to clarify: Is Chuck, Congress or John Boehner the whore? Or is that “ho.” Ho-ho-ho!

And where was Son of Wamp, our local Debt-Paying Generation Candidate? Certainly not whoremongering around with Chuck and John. No, we suspect Wee Weston was likely reeling from being “iced” (as the TFP headline put it) at the hands of Chuck during the recent East Tennessee Republican Presidential Straw Poll in Anderson County, in which he came in dead last.

Wamp balked at what he called “a modern-day poll tax”—the $5 fee for the vote, of which Chuck received 65 percent (the vote, not the money)—and suggested his elder opponent nudged the results by having campaign staffers show up and vote.

“In my life I’ve seen all the political games there are,” a worldly-wise Wamp told the TFP. “In this campaign, I’m going to choose not to play the political games. We’re not going to buy straw poll victories.”

Sounds just like Dad, eh?

DizzyTown is tiring of the almost weekly Republican presidential debates—although we have to admit the Cain Train is really smokin’—but we’d love to see these three go at it on stage.

November 2, 2011

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