And four other incredibly simple driving tips from our automotive expert
“Ha ha ha,” you’re thinking. “What’s this idiot going on about now? Mirrors?” A childish question, but not one a child might ask, because children aren’t interested in the minutiae of adult life and if yours are, you probably have other things to worry about.
Which is why you have me, your very own personal automotive pendant to make you feel bad about perfectly ordinary everyday activities. You’re welcome! Let us get started.
#1: Mirrors: you’re doing them wrong.
The simple rule for mirror adjustment is that you want to see as little of your own car as possible. That’s it.
Sit in your driving position and adjust your outside (“exterior”) mirrors until you can see a tiny sliver of your car, and the road behind your car. You use that glimpse of your fenders to judge where you are in relation to the other cars, of which you want to see as much as possible.
Your inside (“interior”) mirror is for looking out the back, not at your face or your kids. They’re fine. Ignore the gurgling noises, those are normal. See? They stopped. All good.
#2: Adding gas: Add less, but feel free to keep using your phone.
A gas tank is (usually) made of metal. It can’t expand to take in more gas. When a gas nozzle clicks off, it’s because it has sensed the back pressure of fuel in the filler neck (the tube which connects the gas tank to your gas cap), unless it’s one of those stupid gas pumps which clicks off constantly in which case, the hell with the owls and salamanders and crap.
If you continue to “top off” your tank after the click, what you are actually filling is an overflow into an evaporative (“Evap”) canister.
Hypothetically it’s part of a closed system that recovers vapors from the heating of gas in your tank—you know, like you get when it’s 87 degrees every day. It does this spectacularly less well when you’ve topped it up.
But your phone is just fine. There is no credible record of anyone anywhere ever starting a fire with one. It’s a stupid internet rumor from 1999. Fire that bad boy up, loudly and offensively!
#3: Turning left.
Do people still have to take a driving class to get a license? Trick question: obviously not because this is not a difficult task.
It is called a “square turn,” and here is how it works: Drive partway into the intersection, until you reach a point where you can make a 90° (“right”) turn, then make a right turn directly into your lane and drive away.
To recap, drive ahead, make a left turn, drive away. Sigh.
#4: Roundabouts: I don’t even.
Last November, a 29-year-old woman with a young daughter was killed at the Chickamauga Dam roundabout when someone went into it going the wrong way.
With around two dozen of them in the area and about 40 more coming, the city even has a “how to drive a roundabout” tutorial on its site. It’s one page long and uses 179 words.
I’ll summarize: Signal and look both ways, because Chickamauga Dam and pedestrians. Go when there’s a space. Signal to exit. Practice until you don’t run the risk of injuring anyone.
#5: Starting, stopping and idling.
If you’re old like me, you were taught to warm up a car. I have a handy decision guide to let you know if that’s still true: Does it have dual quads? Yes, warm up your car.
Was it built in the last 25 years and is not an Italian car with an MSRP over six figures? No, do not warm up your car.
Is it an Italian car with an MSRP over six figures? Yes. Is it a Fiat? No.
Does it make over 500hp? Yes.
Is it the car you drive? No.
A modern car needs 30-45 seconds of warmup, tops, because this is not the Saskatoon Pulse. It does need gentle driving for at least five minutes before you hammer it. The “should I shut it off” decider is even easier: Will I be stopped for more than a minute?
Yes! I shut my car off if I’m stopped for construction or a train or a really long light because I love literally watching all the moisture in my body depart in a cloud.
Do it for the owls, people. Do it for the owls.
David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. Follow him on Twitter as @proscriptus.