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Crime Culprit: Cops

I’m a brilliant sumbitch, but even Einstein would deduce that drugs are openly sold because there are people willing to pay for them, and therefore people will be willing to sell them no matter the consequences. more »

Mar 21, 2013 by in On The Beat (3 Comments)

Not a Fan

Personally, I’ve never used that phrase verbatim, although readers of this column can attest that there are many, many things that I’m not a big fan of. And, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to list several more. more »

Mar 21, 2013 by in Life In The Noog

A Desk Job in East Chattanooga

Jesus, was that smell me? I rolled back semi-reclined and glanced to see blood still on my boots, but it didn’t have time to have “gone over,” and there certainly weren’t any brains on them; I had been careful. more »

Mar 28, 2013 by in On The Beat

Last Words

It’s with a very heavy heart, and dried up pen, that I announce this will be the last column I file with The Pulse. I hate to admit it, but after 5-? years, it’s time for the paper to print something other than my inane observations and pet peeves... more »

Mar 28, 2013 by in Life In The Noog

Cease Fire? Great.

I was recently asked what I thought about a truce called by local gang leaders a few weeks ago (as of press time). My response was both quick and heartfelt: “Great.” more »

Apr 4, 2013 by in On The Beat

Greasy Bullets: The Cop Diet

It seemed plausible that we had easily consumed more fried chicken livers than any two men combined in local history, and too much of such a unique element had to have consequences. more »

Apr 11, 2013 by in On The Beat (1 Comments)

Training Day

A few decades ago they issued axe handles out of garbage cans on the back lot of police headquarters to assist in quelling race-riots that plagued Chattanooga. I can safely mention this now because literally all the administrators responsible for tha more »

Apr 18, 2013 by in On The Beat

One Cop. Well Done.

Two pork chops and a bag of popcorn? Are you kidding me? That’s what you call dinner?” he screamed. I looked at him blankly from across the room, feeling no emotion…only a breeze against my shirtless back through the open screen door behind me. more »

Apr 25, 2013 in On The Beat

Lawsuits of the Stupid and Stupider

Despite his wound, the old guy is able to return fire with his .357 revolver and hits his burglarizing, home-invading drug-addict attacker four times. more »

May 1, 2013 by in On The Beat

Failure to Communicate

“NO! DON’T TOUCH IT! DO NOT TOUCH THAT GUN!” He just looked at me stupidly, head cocked to the side, and his left hand gripped the bottom of his untucked shirt to lift it higher as his right hand moved towards the gun… more »

May 9, 2013 by in On The Beat

Officer Teach’s Guide to the Art of Testifying

Being a charitable fellow and also an eternal teacher at heart, I believed I was pre-determined to ‘help’ them by destroying any semblance of rhythm on their part. more »

May 16, 2013 by in On The Beat

Unorthodox…Make That Just Weird

It’s not like you’re stabbing someone, but this is just…it’s just weird. Who does this?’ It was rhetorical, so I decided to tread lightly. more »

May 23, 2013 by in On The Beat

Cynicism: It’s What’s For Breakfast

"Cynicism, like silence, is like an old friend: it will rarely betray you." And it is with no small degree of irony that the person who passed that phrase on to me ultimately betrayed me. Hah. more »

May 29, 2013 by in On The Beat

A Cop’s Silent Therapy

In my experience, the only thing that has ever consistently “healed all wounds” is a stiff shot of bourbon, but perhaps that was just the broken part of me speaking. I assumed it was broken, anyway. more »

Jun 6, 2013 by in On The Beat (2 Comments)

Same Outfit: Different Decade

I had no idea where I’d be in the next year, much less ten or 15, but I sure enjoyed where I was at for the moment. I mean really: Could the city or the job get any better than this? more »

Jun 13, 2013 by in On The Beat

Nature vs. Nurture: A Cop Duality

Narcs, traffic cops, robbery squads—totally different personalities unified only by a common patch, a common badge. No, I’m referring to the staple of the profession: Uniformed street cops. more »

Jun 20, 2013 by in On The Beat

Dare To Be Stupid

He and I very calmly talked it out. I think we came to a mutual agreement, and I repeated this discussion at his sentencing for one Class E and two Class B Felonies... more »

Jun 27, 2013 by in On The Beat (2 Comments)

Brightside of the Southside

I took a little heat recently for a recent comment I made about the Southside of Chattanooga after last week’s “Weekly Perfectly Justifiable Felonious Shooting Competition.” People were saying I sullied its name and espoused only the negatives, the more »

Jul 4, 2013 by in On The Beat

The Hurt Locker

There are two outcomes here: The cops will get the hint and quit trying. Or we will have to start punishing the bad guys with the support of the people. more »

Jul 11, 2013 by in On The Beat (1 Comments)

A Cop’s-Eye View of “The Verdict”

At the end of a sequence of events that I don’t feel the need to repeat, George Zimmerman was arrested and tried for the second-degree murder of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. more »

Jul 18, 2013 by in On The Beat

Gig Tank: Bigger Is Better

"Parth came to me with an idea, and we decided to put our brains together and make a run of it," said Cook, who graduated from Sewanee in 2011 with degrees in computer science and Russian. more »

Jul 18, 2013 by in Columns

D.U.I.: The Great Equalizer

The great equalizer. The bringer of death in some cases, but humility to all, is just a few beers or whiskeys away, so be mindful of the beast. more »

Jul 25, 2013 by in On The Beat (1 Comments)

Concourse Discourse

“I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T CATCH WHAT YOU SAID,” my P.A. blared. “IT JUST SEEMS KIND OF WEIRD THAT YOU JUMPED OUT OF YOUR CAR LIKE THAT.” more »

Aug 1, 2013 by in On The Beat

Cop Hydrotherapy

While some personal events of this year have left scars no surgeon could hide, I can't help but think of the last few days of work before I left. A truly unique sense of joy flowed through otherwise frustratingly monotonous hallways. more »

Aug 8, 2013 by in On The Beat

Through the Google Glass

Glass responds to voice commands, even when I think I'm only conversing. After I say "take a picture" and Glass does, I'm thinking out loud about the interface and start saying to Shellabarger, "So when I say 'take a picture' it gives me..." more »

Aug 15, 2013 by in Columns

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