Summer is upon us, and brings with it a lot of very sucky parasites
It’s that time again. Riverbend is here and so is my deadline. With that in mind, this month you get a cliché “Summer Top 10” list. But, given that it’s a list of Human Parasites, you know it’s gonna suck, literally and figuratively.
Ticks
Whether on yourself or on a pet, finding one (or two or 10) of these is like hitting the paranoia jackpot. “Does it have a white dot? What does that mean if it does? What does it mean if it doesn’t? Will I also get Lemon Disease?” Fortunately, most ticks are harmless and easy to remove with a little practice. Unfortunately, experts (Yes. There are tick experts.) are warning that they will be more numerous and vengeful this year, so we’ll all be getting lots of practice removing them.
Fleas
Another fabulous thing to find around the home is the common flea. When not playing Bass, these wee, jumping jerks like to take up residence in your pet’s fur, and then your bedding and then your fur.
Another blood-sucker, these guys are also predicted to have a banner year of biting people in the swimsuit region and causing an embarrassing amount of itching and scratching.
Studies have shown prayer to be ineffective at stopping fleas and the diseases they spread (see, “The Black Death”). So, this summer, avoid traveling to 14th Century Europe, and get all of your pets a good-quality flea collar.
Mosquitoes
About a year ago, I wrote about the ethical issues surrounding the debate as to whether or not we should eradicate mosquitoes once and for all. Unfortunately, the mosquitoes didn’t get the memo and continue to impale humans around the globe with their tiny proboscises.
To add insult to injury, they continue to spread disease while doing it. The nerve! (By one account mosquitoes are the most lethal animal on the planet…at least when it comes to killing humans.)
With temperatures rising, and wetter weather becoming the norm (cough Climate Change cough), mosquitoes are also predicted to be more numerous and feisty this year. So, if you see standing water (which is where they lay their eggs), pour it out.
Toxoplasma Gondii
If you’ve ever had a baby, and a cat, you’ve heard of this guy. It gets into cat feces and if a pregnant human handles those feces (because you were too lazy to empty the litter box for her, even though she’s pregnant and it was your cat), it can pass to the fetus and cause some pretty nasty birth defects.
So, be a man and clean the litter box while your woman carries your child for you. Sheesh.
Oh, it can also be transmitted via improperly cooked meat. But in order to screw that up, you’d have to cook a meal once in a while, wouldn’t you? Dude! She’s carrying your baby! Help out a little!
Guinea Worm
Honestly, I don’t even want to mention this one, because it’s so horrific. You get this thing from drinking contaminated water. The water has copepods, which have the worm larva in them. Your body then digests the copepods, which releases the larva, and then…ugh. The end result is that about a year later, you end up with a one-meter-long worm living in your leg. This leads to a blister in your leg or foot that feels like it’s on fire.
So, you go to the river or pond and stick your leg in to relieve the pain. The blister pops, and out come the larva. The worm however, is still in there. The only way to get it out is to wind it around a stick and slowly pull it out over the course of a week or so. That’s right: You get a week of pulling a fire worm out of your leg.Fortunately, former President Jimmy Carter and his Carter Foundation have taken it upon themselves to eradicate the Guinea worm, and it’s working.
In 1986, there were about 3 million reported cases worldwide. Last year, there were just 25. (Not bad for an ex-peanut farmer.)
So, there you go, a “Top 10 List” of Five Human Parasites. Hey! I told you it was going to suck literally and figuratively.Now stop scratching...
Steven W. Disbrow is a programmer who specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems development, an entrepreneur, comic-book nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personality and parent of two human children.