The argument against the concept of an “intelligent creator”
When Charles Darwin came up with his theory of evolution by means of natural selection, the prevailing wisdom of the time was that man had been created, as is, by a supernatural entity, some six- to ten-thousand years earlier. Man, it was said, was perfectly designed and all his constituent parts were perfect in form and function. Incontrovertible proof of an intelligent designer.
So, here then, are five examples of so-called “Intelligent Design” that are, um, not that intelligent at all.
The Coccyx
The Coccyx bone is all that’s left of the human tail bone. That’s right, tail bone. You see, in the dim, dark past of Earth’s history, we had an ancestor that had a tail. Think “monkey” tail. Over time however, as our species evolved from tree sitters into plains walkers, that tail became less and less useful, and may have even become a liability.
So, as time went on, evolution selected for those of us with shorter and shorter tails. Now, all that’s left is the stumpy, vestigial coccyx bone. If the coccyx was placed there by a Designer, he certainly had no idea what he was doing. Unless he simply liked the idea of watching us writhe in pain after falling and breaking the thing.
Testicular Follies
If you’re a guy, you’ve had this thought at least once in your life: “Why put them on the outside?”
I’ll tell you why: It’s because that “intelligently” designed body you walk around in is too dang hot on the inside! If your boys lived “inside the house,” all the wee swimmers they produce would die pretty quickly and you’d be hard pressed to actually pass along those genes of yours.
Fortunately, Evolution eventually worked out that the outside of the body was just about the right temperature. Sadly, this means that the crown jewels are under constant threat. Evolution doesn’t actually care.…it just wants to give you the best chance to pass those genes along.
Then again, maybe the Designer is just like us and he gets a good laugh from seeing someone take a whack to the sack.
The Miracle of Childbirth
Humans have very large brains, which is why we are currently top of all the food chains here on planet Earth. Sadly, the Designer neglected to make the birth canal large enough to comfortably and safely accommodate those impressive brains. As a result, human childbirth is one of the single most painful and dangerous things a human can go through. (At least it was, until midwives and medicine came along.)
For the most part, those big brains are worth the risk. They’ve given us art, math, engineering, physics, civilization and, most importantly, protective cups to keep those testicles safe.
(I’d take another jab at the Designer for liking to watch humans in pain, but, surely you see the pattern by now.)
Brain on a Stalk
Speaking of our big brains, what kind of genius puts the single most important organ in the whole shebang on a big bendy stalk? Evolution put it there because we’re predators. So, having the brain and the eyes at the highest elevation gives us a distinct advantage when hunting. But a really intelligent designer what have put it in the butt, safely behind the coccyx. (Well, that’s where I would have put it.)
The Human Eye
Which brings us to the pinnacle of Intelligent Design: The human eye.
Honestly, they’re trash.
I’ve had mine for 51 years now and they haven’t worked properly a day since I was seven. Apparently, mine are too long, so the images don’t focus properly on the bit at the back. And those images? Upside down. That’s right, the eye is “designed” to put images on the retina upside down. So the brain has to do a whole boatload of extra work just to put the thing the right way up before it makes sense.
And talk about limited! They can only see in visible light, and we only call it “visible” light because we named it. No X-Rays. No Ultra-Violet. Just three color types: “blue,” “red” and “green.” The lowly pistol shrimp, on the other hand, is apparently much beloved by the Designer and was given eyes that can see 16 different types of colors!
And our eyes aren’t even unique. The current evidence points to eyes of various types having evolved independently at least 50 times over the course of life’s history.
So, there you go. If this “Designer” showed up at my office and whipped out this portfolio of “work,” I’d definitely send him back to school.
Steven W. Disbrow is a programmer who specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems development, an entrepreneur, comic-book nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personality and parent of two human children.