RSS

Features

We're Just Here to Help

Which, unexpectedly, caused Mr. Patten to vomit yet again, and that was it for the audience, one poor jailer yelling “JESUS, Teach, what’s WITH you?! Every time, you…Go, man. Just, go.” more »

Apr 24, 2014 by in On The Beat

Rapid Decompression

Young children were not playing in the road alone or unsupervised: They were holding the hands of an adult, and in many cases the adult appeared to be their father. Kids with fathers? more »

Apr 17, 2014 by in On The Beat

Cowards Are ‘Heroes’ Here

Reality. How do you teach that without such horrific examples? And how many of those examples can you use before they simply become the status quo, the new bar to be surpassed? more »

Apr 10, 2014 by in On The Beat

A Bicycle Debacle and A Hole in the Ceiling

“Never do that again. Never, ever show disrespect like that, or I’ll spank you, son, right here in the middle of Sixth Avenue.” A smile faded, and pursed lips replaced objective listening. more »

Apr 3, 2014 by in On The Beat (1 Comments)

Displaying The Gentle Touch

“Of course I looked,” Miller said. “What am I, an asshole? I’ve never looked for a finger before?” I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off before I could do so by Gregory asking, “How many knuckles are we talking here? One, two…three?” more »

Mar 27, 2014 by in On The Beat

Working The Job I Deserve

Dominique was working in concert with an ally none would expect—and that ally was, unfortunately, his lower gastrointestinal system and its filthy, filthy products. more »

Mar 20, 2014 by in On The Beat

Side Job at the Stop-n-Rob

I even found myself sad to leave (...), but like all aspects of said Hood, with the exception of the fryer grease, it never truly ends or stops changing, so I always had something to look forward to the next time. more »

Mar 13, 2014 by in On The Beat

Creatine vs. Coffee Cops

I took a moment to glance at the cup, a monument of brushed stainless steel with a hooked handle that, if you were good, you could hang over your gun belt or even clip it over the grip of the pistol itself when need be. more »

Mar 6, 2014 by in On The Beat

The Case for LIDAR Love

It pisses them off to be caught speeding and if it’s going to be inconvenient for them, it damn well better be inconvenient for the officer. If they would just say that, it would be easier to get behind them on the topic. more »

Feb 27, 2014 by in On The Beat

An Imperfect Union

Alas, no. The employees voted them down, and it was quickly determined by pundits and thin-skinned pro-UAW types that they must have been “scared into” voting it down by state and US senators warning them of UAW follies. more »

Feb 20, 2014 by in On The Beat (2 Comments)

St. Valentine Meets St. Ides

Such was the quality of her intoxication, however, she didn’t even notice this…but her husband did, and went from raising his arms defensively to placing one powerful punch solidly to her forehead. more »

Feb 14, 2014 by in On The Beat

Is That A Pistol In Your Pocket?

“Relax,” I told him. I explained to him that putting a gun on your hip and then getting defensive when asked about it (not to mention being insulting) sounds like someone is asking for a fight. more »

Feb 6, 2014 by in On The Beat

Entirely Inappropriate

It’s funny how desensitization affects some cops as compared to others (if at all, though I find that depends on what type of cop that individual was: aggressive, or a placeholder). more »

Jan 30, 2014 by in On The Beat (1 Comments)

Justice Backpedaled

So on the one hand, an outside agency made the Chattanooga Police Department look good, fair, and reasonable, while on the other making cops in general look like complete assholes yet again. Well done, boys. more »

Jan 23, 2014 by in On The Beat

Pension Fromage

That said? This isn’t about the details of the changes proposed this week. No, sir and ma’am…that would take several more pages than I’m allowed to use, but I did want to give you an idea of why it spooked us all so. more »

Jan 16, 2014 by in On The Beat

Freeze Warning, aka “Coldnado”

I closed my eyes and began speaking before opening them. “They’re not called ‘prostitutes’, Thompson. These are hookers.” I probably had to have this talk with someone every few weeks. more »

Jan 9, 2014 by in On The Beat

Hurry Up and Slow Down

More importantly, the Seattle Police Department told its 1,300-plus officers via email that until further notice, “officers shall not take any enforcement action other than to issue a verbal warning for a violation of I-502.” more »

Jan 2, 2014 by in On The Beat

Meeting in the Middle for the New Year

I am a grammatically and morally offensive entity and a stark amateur in the world well stocked with literary professionals. David Cook, on the other hand, is the real thing. more »

Dec 26, 2013 by in On The Beat

Finding a Lifeline

I am under-simplifying this for a reason: I wish to show you the difference between a job and a career. And for those that are in it for more than the novelty of a short period of time, that’s exactly what this is. A career. more »

Dec 12, 2013 by in On The Beat

Stranger’s Gonna Knock You Out

Last year, a teenager punched a man out. Knocked him backward onto the concrete, then straddled him and beat him severely. The victim never regained consciousness and died nine days later. more »

Dec 5, 2013 in On The Beat

That Thin Blue Line Sticker

“Them ‘blue line’ stickers...” They mean something, you know. Most are aware it’s obviously in support of cops and would even correctly guess, if pressed, that it’s about the line between “order and chaos”. Let me take it a bit deeper, though: more »

Nov 28, 2013 by in On The Beat

Right to Remain Stupid

Before it was over there were three cops with three sets of hands on him getting him in handcuffs as he continued to choose that exact moment to not do a single thing he was being told to do, and even the evangelist started recording the goings on. more »

Nov 21, 2013 by in On The Beat (1 Comments)

Home of the Homeless

“What?” the complainant said. “Where?” “He was in your car, ma’am. At the McDonald’s.” “But I don’t understand…” she trailed off, now taking her own turn to tilt her head in confusion. more »

Nov 14, 2013 by in On The Beat

The Other Southside: Chattanooga Spotlight

For perspective, the beauty and comparable safety of the Tennessee Aquarium lives in the 100 block of Market Street, but Alton Park Boulevard is what its name turns into by the 3000 block and I’ve always been glad about that. It deserves better. more »

Nov 7, 2013 by in On The Beat

A Domestic Call: Big Brain On Brad

But the silence wasn’t just out of fear of his immediate reaction (there was none, remember—he had given himself the I.Q. of a kumquat), but also of respect for somehow making a weird situation even weirder, all on our own. more »

Oct 31, 2013 by in On The Beat

Current Issue

Friday

April 25, 2014

Saturday

April 26, 2014

Sunday

April 27, 2014

Monday

April 28, 2014

Tuesday

April 29, 2014

Wednesday

April 30, 2014

Thursday

May 1, 2014