How are those New Year’s resolutions working out for you?
Well, we’re a month into the New Year and this is around the time that resolutions are either working out well, or biting the dust.
As regular Shrink Rappers know, I advocate intentions rather than resolutions, and there is a difference. Conscious, mindful intentions create change from the inside out, as they help you in your becoming—becoming the person you wish to be. Resolutions are usually about changing an outer behavior, which is starting from the outside in.
It’s the difference, for example, between “I’m giving up sugar” (resolution)…versus “I’m becoming someone who is vigilant about her health” (intention). Resolutions work fine for some people. But it’s very hard to change a behavior with little or no means of a structure to support it for the long run.
And what’s really not helpful is falling into that annual cycle of making a promise to yourself, failing, beating yourself up, then doing the whole thing again next January. That’s hard on a person’s self-esteem.
I believe that one of the best ways to proceed when wanting to create healthy, real change is to set your intentions on small changes. The ones that have a high probability for success, and that can become habitual. Change happens by creating a habit that fits into your life on a daily basis…something that can be sustained forever, or for as long as you wish. If you ponder it, write about it in your journal, discuss it with friends, and practice it daily, within a month you will have made the lasting shift into being a better you. And you don’t have to wait until January to do this!
As I was pondering these kinds of internal shifts recently, I came across several articles that were written from older folks who wanted to pass along their wisdom. If you are having a hard time maintaining your New Year’s goals, one of these may be just the ticket for you. Remember: real, permanent change happens when it is sustainable, you have support, and you can make it habitual.
Here are some of the gems from these older folks that I want to share with you. Perhaps you can ponder/meditate on them, and see if any inspire you toward becoming the person you want to be.
- Look people in the eye, and always wish them well.
- Don’t give up on anyone. Miracles happen all the time.
- Be brave. Even if you have to pretend. No one can tell the difference and it will help you become brave for real.
- Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of your happiness or your misery.
- Make kindness a habit, and give strangers a smile.
- Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
- When playing with children, let them win.
- Give people a second chance, but probably not a third.
- Become the most positive person you know.
- Relax. Everything’s going to work out whether you are calm or anxious.
- Be a gracious loser … and winner.
- Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
- When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
- Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
- Once in a while take the scenic route.
- Treat the janitor the same way you treat the CEO.
- Count your blessings. Start and end your day with gratitude.
- Pay for the toll (or the coffee or the parking meter) for the person behind you.
- Buy yourself flowers now and then, for no reason.
- Don’t expect life to be fair. You get what you create.
I hope you’ve found some of these resonating with you. Change is only scary when we focus on what we’re giving up. If we focus on what we’ll gain, it becomes much more manageable. Until next time, one more bit of wisdom:
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” — Louise Hay
Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, author, minister, and educator in private practice in Chattanooga. Contact him at DrRPH.com, visit his wellness center at WellNestChattanooga.com