The good doctor on navigating life—one personal intersection at a time
While living in California, I was hosted for several summers in Indiana by a progressive Congregational church in Ft. Wayne to give a series of seminars and talks.
Their congregation included a mixed population of male and female, gay and straight, young and old, black and white…those who were completely comfortable in their fellowship with this mix, and those who were struggling with the issues inherent at this level of diversity.
Over the course of several days, I gave readings from my books, lectures on self-esteem and inclusiveness, seminars on healthy relationships and the healing power of love. It was always a wonderful experience for me, spending time with folks who wanted to better their lives, better their relationships, and better their understanding of each other.
One of the most powerful topics from my work there turned out to be what I call “Personal Intersections”. By personal intersections I refer to those moments in life when you come to an intellectual, spiritual, or emotional crossroads, and are faced with making a decision.
The folks at this church had been navigating some very significant intersections that involved emotional and spiritual challenges to some of their long-held beliefs, and they were making some big decisions about their future together.
Intersections are big and small, and occur all day, all throughout life. Major ones, such as those around relationships, child-rearing, personal crises, employment opportunities, educational possibilities, etc. require much of us—sometimes, perhaps, they demand the use of all our coping skills and inner resources, conversations with loved ones, quiet time for reflection and meditation. Often all of the above.
Then there are minor ones that we usually resolve without a lot of difficulty or thought. These might look like, where to go for dinner. Or, shall I pick up the dry cleaning on the way to the bank? Do I have time for the gym? Shall I call my folks today?
What’s interesting about viewing life’s intersections this way is that it reflects our level of mindfulness: the degree to which we are deliberately aware…throughout the day, the week, throughout our entire lives. In other words, which issues get our attention and which don’t? When are we intentional and mindful?
To help traverse life’s intersections more mindfully, including the smaller, daily ones, I encourage you to try this exercise: Spend a morning paying close attention to all the things you usually don’t give a second thought to. For instance, when you grab the cereal from the cupboard, pause for a second. Ask yourself if that’s really what you want to eat, or are you just doing what you always do.
When you leave for work in the morning and give your sweetie a peck on the cheek like usual, hold on a sec. Why communicate a mere morsel of affection when you can communicate deeper feelings of love. Turn that peck into a big, sloppy smooch and lingering embrace. (Could be fun. Could make you late for work.)
Mom’s arthritis has been acting up and Dad’s been depressed. Don’t just call, talk about little Timmy’s report card, and hang up. Choose to take the time to really talk with them. Be present. Ask questions. And listen to their answers, even if you’ve heard them a million times before. You might hear differently this time.
Being present. Paying attention. Consciously choosing your behavior.
The more you pay attention, the more you’ll want to pay attention. More of your daily personal intersections will have greater meaning. The folks at that church in Fort Wayne know what it’s like to grapple with intersections and so they reached out for guidance and insight. Sounds like a healthy way to go for all of us.
What’s the payoff? Relationships more deeply felt. A stronger spiritual connection to your world and everyone in it. Heightened senses. In short, a life more fully lived.
Until next time: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you.” —Regina Brett
Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, author, minister, and educator in private practice in Chattanooga. Contact him at DrRPH.com, visit his wellness center at WellNestChattanooga.com