The good doctor has practical advice on how to deal with extreme stress
Extreme stress is a part of life, as we all can relate to having moments where everything just feels like too much. Or we feel alone with our burdens. We may suffer a health crisis, financial crisis, or a crisis of faith. Maybe it’s a relationship that’s in peril, hanging on by a thread. We may be experiencing feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, or feel so overwhelmed that it’s hard to think of anything but our problems.
Perhaps we’ve recently suffered a significant loss, and daily living feels shadowed by a persistent, dark cloud. Eventually our bodies show signs of the wear and tear. These are times when we’re most prone to becoming ill and having accidents.
So how do we cope when life gets really hard? How do we not merely survive the experience, but develop the necessary skills to continue to fight the good fight…intact, with sound mind and body, still stopping to smells the roses each day, and feeling grateful to be alive?
When we face the really big challenges in life, it is time to reach deep into our “Big Bag O’ Tools” for help:
- Let’s start with perspective. There’s the person whose house burns down and says, we’ve lost everything. And the person who says, let’s save the nails…we can rebuild. If you’re glass tends to be half-full under usual conditions, that attitude will serve you well during hard times.
- Inner fortitude. If you’ve seen your parents—or others from childhood—struggle and make it through, perhaps stronger and wiser for the experience, then you might have learned some very valuable lessons about being stronger than you think you are, and such lessons will come to your aid later in life.
- Faith in the Universe (or in God, or one’s Creator, Source, the Divine, or however you understand your Higher Power.) There is going through the experience in fear, and going through the experience resting in faith.
- It’s so important to have a quality support system—people who care for you deeply, accept you unconditionally, and provide everything from a shoulder to cry on to practical assistance when needed. Part two is reaching out to them. Knowing it’s okay—and important—to ask for help.
When I think of major challenges in life, I think of my dear friend and colleague, Craig, who passed away several years ago.
Regular Shrink Rappers will remember Craig, who helped us all with his attitude, inner strength and insights. Craig was an occupational therapist, who worked mostly with veterans struggling with deep psychological and physical issues.
Being a heart transplant patient, as well as an amputee who needed a wheelchair and a truckload of medication daily, he knew a few things about surviving hard times. So when I asked Craig about what he felt is our most important survival tool, his answer was: Hope.
“With hope,” he’d say, “your life becomes more about what you want. What do I want? A cure? Maybe, but what if there is no cure.?I may still want to live life to the fullest. Today is all I’ve got. Hope is empowering. Everything changes with hope. This is true of us as individuals, but also of society. Society at large always needs to feel hopeful.
“Our lives can be pretty harsh. Hope may be just getting a good night’s sleep for a change, or being able to say ‘I love you’ to the people in my life. I don’t believe happiness is a ‘state of being’ as others say. I think happiness is a decision. With hope I can make that choice. Without it, forget it.”
Until next time, I want to share some insights from Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of the most respected and recognized Zen masters in the world, as well as being the author of over 60 books, a renowned poet, peace activist, and human rights advocate.
“The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves ‘inside the skin’ of the other, and witness for ourselves their suffering. Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name.”
Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, author, minister, and educator in private practice in Chattanooga. Contact him at DrRPH.com, visit his wellness center at WellNestChattanooga.com