The struggle for LGBTQ acceptance continues across the country
October is Pride Month in Chattanooga, and there are lots of happenings and celebrations scheduled for the entire month.
Kicking off this Sunday is the Chattanooga Pride Festival along the banks of the Tennessee River at Ross’s Landing, featuring the annual Pride Parade along with a host of performances, a vendors market, food, drinks, face painting, and so much more.
But there is more to Pride than just celebration. It’s also a time to reflect on the the members of LGBTQ+ community who have been striving valiantly to overcome tremendous obstacles.
JARED’S STORY
Jared was only 12 when he received his first beating. Here’s what happened.
In a tiny, Southern, Bible-belt town is a tiny church, proudly perched on a hill along the main thoroughfare, built of brick—solid and trustworthy.
Despite its diminutive size, this church is very busy and very important to the community, being the home not only of Sunday services, but also of Wednesday night Bible study, summer camp for the kids, weddings, funerals, holiday festivities, and much more. And, as is quite typical, the church provides the centerpiece of religious practice for many families who live in the area.
The minister is of booming voice; elderly, known to be cantankerous and harsh with his opinions, he elicits both respect and fear from his parishioners. His is the voice of Elderly and Wise Authority. He is a messenger from God.
Jared’s family, like most in town, attends church at least once a week. The last sermon Jared remembers left a powerful impression. The minister orated in his loud, some would say angry, dogmatic style, fist pounding on the lectern, and told his people that God had a hatred for murderers, prostitutes, drug addicts, liars, rapists…and homosexuals.
Jared is a smart, shy kid. He is a skilled soccer player as well as trumpeter in the band. A good student, he doesn’t give his teachers—or his parents—any trouble. But after that last sermon, trouble started to find Jared.
At 12 he didn’t know if he was gay or straight, although he often felt confused and different from many of the other boys. (Such feelings are actually quite common during pre-teen and teenage years.) But some of the kids had had their suspicions about Jared and were feeling emboldened. Jared was perceived to be gay. And along with that perception came tauntings, whispers, rumors, and then escalating, aggressive behaviors such as shoving between classes, graffiti on his locker, and threatening texts.
The minister spoke in church that day and said that God hates homosexuals and the good, God-fearing people of his congregation nodded. They would never consider speaking up in disagreement, even if they believed otherwise. If they doubted, they kept it to themselves.
But see, the minister wasn’t around when several of his drunken young male parishioners hid in the shadows with clubs one night and beat the daylights out of the boy who was “different”. The minister didn’t go to the hospital to see the result of that violent night. He didn’t visit the family and bear witness to their grief, confusion, and worry. Jared was on life support for two days. His family and a few close friends were, understandably, emotional wrecks. The doctors were not encouraging.
The minister also wasn’t present when, several years after that sermon, the young boy once so filled with promise was now filled with self-hatred and, shortly after high school graduation, attempted to take his own life. The bullying, the grotesque meanness, the decidedly un-Christian-like behavior escalated, year after year. Permission had been granted by the booming voice from the pulpit, just that once, and that had been enough: God hates homosexuals.
The point of this story is not to pick on that church. We all know of open-hearted, life-affirming, all-inclusive houses of worship that welcome people of differing backgrounds, races and sexual orientations. The best of these congregations welcome questioning minds, fostering intellectual and spiritual curiosity.
But we also know that churches like Jared’s exist, too. Plenty of them.
And I choose to believe that no matter one’s religious convictions, any sane person does not give support for a boy to be nearly beaten to death. And those who sit in acquiescing silence don’t intend to contribute to a child’s suicide attempt. I believe this because I did visit Jared in the hospital, I did witness the horror of the worst parts of us, and I did hold hands with his family while we watched…and waited…
Something to think about: There is a Jared in your family. In your neighbor’s family. A Jared makes your Starbucks, bags your groceries, says hello to you at work. You’ve known several Jareds for a long time. You just didn’t know it.
TROUBLING STATISTICS
Between May and July of this year—when Pride events were taking place across the country—at least fourteen LGBTQ people were killed, according to a report from the Anti-Violence Project. Seven of the victims were black transgender women.
In the U.S. so far this year, at least 18 transgender people—most of them transgender women of color—have been killed in a wave of violence that the American Medical Association has declared an epidemic. The killings this year follow at least 26 recorded last year by the Human Rights Campaign.
Transgender advocates acknowledge that those figures fail to tell the whole story, as data provided by law enforcement officials can be incomplete and many, many crimes are never reported. Fear has a way of silencing voices.
Hostility has been on the upswing in recent years, for several reasons. A rise in visibility, combined with the bullying and intolerance that some would claim has become increasingly permitted under the current administration, has stirred animosity and emboldened people to openly act out the worst of who we are.
This climate of fear and, therefore, outrage, over anyone perceived to be different persists despite greater representation in popular culture. For instance, more and more we see transgender or gender-nonconforming characters on popular TV shows and in movies. (Even Mattel has introduced a line of gender-neutral dolls.) But our cultural progress has not yet trickled down to everyday life.
USE YOUR VOICE
If any of this stirs your ire, good. Healthy anger can be motivating and clarifying; it can lead a person toward standing tall, singing out for their brothers and sisters who cannot. Healthy anger can overcome fear, instead of becoming a by-product or a reaction to it.
A good friend of mine left a Chattanooga bar one evening with several friends. As they split up to head to their cars, one of his buddies was accosted by a group of three young men who began shoving and knocking him down, all the while shouting homophobic slurs because this friend was perceived to be gay. (In actuality, none of them were gay.)
Upon hearing the slurs, my friend was instantly irate and headed over to what was quickly becoming a violent scene. He put himself in harm’s way but broke up the melee. He and his buddy received a few bruises, but no one was seriously hurt, or worse. He stood tall and used his courage, his voice.
Sharing all this with you reminds me of a few favorite quotes:
Nobel Laureate, Holocaust survivor and author of 57 books, Elie Wiesel said, “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”
Over 200 years ago, author Edmund Burke wrote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
And Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Chattanooga’s Pride festival will take place on Sunday, October 6th at Ross’s Landing. It is held for, and honoring of, the area’s LGBTQ+ community, including allies. (There will be plenty of moms there!)
Now that you’ve read the above stories and stats, you’ll never again have to ask why there needs to be a Pride festival.
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Until next time: “Sometimes it takes only one clear voice in a sea of loud chatter to rise above the chaos and shift the planet back to center.”