A millennial’s viewpoint on “app dating” in the Scenic City
Many singles are well aware of the difficulties of dating. Quite frankly, it’s just really hard to find the right person relying on chance. Do you stumble upon them at a mall? No, this isn’t 1980. Maybe you randomly run into Mr. or Ms. Right while grocery shopping? That’s a great story, and I, and many others would more than want that, but not everyone is so lucky.
With these difficulties surrounding dating something new has grown and blossomed: dating apps, specifically the swipe left and right apps like Bumble, Tinder, Grindr, and many others. These dating apps allow you to view pictures and profiles, and then swipe left or right to show your interest in hopes of potentially matching.
With dating options so limited beyond your work environment, school, social circles, or the previously mentioned random chance, it makes logical sense to pursue an outlet where you can meet others who want similar things and have similar interests.
Many of the men and women I chatted with about these apps had comparable experiences. “It’s just way easier to connect with people, and find people looking for the same thing,” said one 25-year-old Chattanooga woman. She continued to say that she has had successful matches on Bumble, Tinder, and Coffee Meets Bagel, but that the same annoying one-word messages, and the occasional “ghosting” (aka never responding again after a few back and forth messages) were two of her biggest app dating pet peeves.
One trend was obvious during my conversations with app dating users, the convenience. With everything being connected to our phones and almost always having our devices on us, it makes sense that the popularity of app dating has spread and gained many new members over the last few years.
As most Pulse readers know, Chattanooga has a whole lot to offer: music, arts, food, great bars, and much more, making for a great dating city. Tennessee isn’t known for being the best state for singles, but I believe our Scenic City is a bit different.
The city has a vibrancy, acceptance, and with it’s expanding art and restaurant scene, a million and one options for a night out.
From personal experience, I’ve come to realize there are quite a lot of married people in their 20’s in town. With a higher amount of married young adults, the ability to successfully find compatible matches gets even harder. So where do you go? You can keep complaining to your friends and bugging them about setting you up, or you can download one of the many dating apps and giving it a try.
I had no idea what to expect when I joined, but what I found was that a lot of people felt and had the same problems I had. It’s hard to find the right people who want the same things you do. That’s where the biggest advantage of using a dating app comes into play; it puts together groups of people who all want something similar, a potential relationship.
Let’s take a look a few aspects of app dating:
Profiles
When it comes to app dating you have one initial chance to show people who you are and what you’re all about in your bio and through your photos. Bios are tricky for both men and women, but try keeping it short, sweet, and honest.
After compiling my interviews and research from active members, here were some of the consensus tips.
Tips for women: Do not start your photos with a filtered image, specifically a picture with an animal filter. It’s never bad to see you have a cute or fun personality through your pictures, but starting with a filtered image and having more than one is a surefire way to make me, and many others swipe left. We all know you aren’t really a puppy.
Tips for Men: No filters, and no fishing photos. I haven’t had one woman tell me that they like fishing photos, and some will swipe left because of them. Shirtless selfies? Hard pass. You can send those later if you want, but putting them in a profile isn’t a good look.
Tips for women and men: Never have just one photo. One group picture is fine, but no one wants to search an image to see who you are, so make it clear. One close-up picture is good, but don’t shy away from travel, eating, or active photos. It helps to learn who you are and what types of things you enjoy.
Put some effort into your profile. A quote by your favorite singer isn’t giving me any insight into you or your personality. Show your personality as best you can by giving tidbits about what you like, what you don’t like, etc. to help those of us interested decide if we may be a good fit.
Lastly, and maybe the two most important things, don’t doctor or filter your pictures too much and leave all sexual innuendo out of your profile. There is no reason to have someone be disappointed because you lied about your height, looks, etc. Just be yourself and you’ll have a much better chance of having something real come from it all.
Sexual innuendo in a profile is a complete turnoff, even if you are just looking for something casual. Save it for the private messages.
Getting to Know Each Other Through Text
This is the tricky part. With texting, it is always difficult to gauge reactions and understand humor and intent, but there are ways to make texting fun. Never shy away from the occasional compliment and always ask questions. It’s never weird to ask random questions. It’s fun and helps you learn a lot more about the person you’re interested in.
Just like your profile, leave conversation about sex until after you’ve met. There is no quicker way to turn a potential male or female interest off than immediately asking them about sex, or sending racy messages when that isn’t what they’re looking for. Sex is an important part of a relationship, so those questions are not off limits, just don’t bombard a stranger with them until you’ve at least bought them a coffee.
Confirming Identity
The inevitable awkward moment: trying to make sure the person you are speaking with is actually who they say they are. By now most of us have seen a show, read a story, or maybe even experienced being catfished. If you think something weird might be going on, ask for a video with some sort of personalization, because when it comes to app dating, being safe is the most important part.
Sure, they may have given you their Instagram and sent you a few pictures, but I always, and I mean always, think video chatting or sending each other videos saying hello is a must. If they are who they say they are, then they won’t fight you on this. Period. From my experience, everyone has been who she said she was, with the exception of a couple discrepancies from a few filtered images.
Dating around town
Chattanooga is a great dating city. There are plenty of things to do, and it’s small enough to be able to walk from place to place, which is always good when enjoying a few drinks. But where should you start? I always think meeting sooner rather than later is a good thing. In that case, just grab coffee! It’s the best way to see if there is a little spark and any compatibility. It’s short and there’s no pressure, not to mention it’s also a cheap meet.
If you have been messaging and talking on the phone for a little while and really feel like a connection could be there, go for it and set up something around town. Having a date where you can walk around and talk with no pressure is the best way to start. A sit-down dinner for the first date sets you both up for potentially awkward moments, get out and do something that gets you out of your shells.
I recommend doing something that gets you moving. Maybe head over to High Point climbing, take a hike, peruse the Hunter Museum, participate in a bar crawl, or simply anything outside.
When you’re struggling to find the right date, there is one place to go: The Pulse website. Yeah, I know, I’m biased, but check out the calendar filled with fun ideas as there is always something cool going on around town that’ll make for a great morning, afternoon, or evening out.
The unique food and drink scene in town makes for perfect conversation starters with a newfound friend. Whether you bond over brunch or afternoon drinks, just go someplace that gets you guys talking; even if it’s about the random food you’re trying or your own inability to cook.
Chattanooga has everything you need for a great date from outdoor activities like visiting Rock City, Ruby Falls, or walking around Coolidge Park or expanding your musical taste at a concert. The times of happenstance meetings are drifting further away the larger our cities grow and the more technologically involved our lives become. Apps are a great way to meet people who are interested in a serious relationship, good friends, or something casual, and it’s all in the palm of your hand.
It can sometimes be hard to get yourself to download the app, make a profile, and go for it, but during this day and age using a dating app is one of the smarter ways to potentially find your person.
Editor's Note: This is an opinion-based article written by a 26-year-old male. All tips, ideas, etc. stem off of research and talking with active dating app men and women.