ARIES (March 21-April 19): This is an indelicate oracle. If you’re offended by the mention of bodily functions in a prophetic context you should STOP READING NOW. Still here? OK. I was walking through my neighborhood when I spied an older woman standing over her aged Yorkshire Terrier next to a bush. The dog was in discomfort, squatting and shivering but unable to relieve himself. “He’s having trouble getting his business done,” his owner confided in me. “He’s been struggling for ten minutes.” I felt a rush of sympathy for the distressed creature. With a flourish of my hand, I said, “More power to you, little one. May you purge your burden.” The dog instantly defecated. Shrieking her approval, the woman exclaimed, “It’s like you waved a magic wand!” Now I am invoking my wizardry in your behalf, Aries, although in a less literal way: More power to you. May you purge your psychological burden.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “You won’t do it at the right time,” warns writer Kate Moller. “You’ll be late. You’ll be early. You’ll get re-routed. You’ll get delayed. You’ll change your mind. You’ll change your heart. It’s not going to turn out the way you thought it would.” And yet, Moller concludes—are you ready for the punch line?—”it will be better.” In describing your future, Taurus, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Fate may be comical in the way it plays with your expectations and plans, but I predict you will ultimately be glad about the outcome.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the coming weeks, you Geminis could be skillful and even spectacular liars. You will have the potential to deceive more people, bend more truths, and even fool yourself better than anyone else. On the other hand, you will also have the knack to channel this same slipperiness in a different direction. You could tell imaginative stories that rouse people from their ruts. You might explore the positive aspects of Kurt Vonnegut’s theory that we tend to become what we pretend to be. Or you could simply be so creative and playful and improvisational in everything you do that you catalyze a lot of inspirational fun. Which way will you go?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I’m all in favor of you indulging your instinct for self-protection. As a Cancerian myself, I understand that one of the ways you take good care of yourself is by making sure that you feel reasonably safe. Having said that, I also want to remind you that your mental and emotional health requires you to leave your comfort zone on a regular basis. Now is one of those times. The call to adventure will arrive soon. If you make yourself ready and eager for changes, the changes that come will kick your ass in mostly educational and pleasurable ways.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Who exactly do you want to be when you grow up, and what is the single most important experience you need in order to make that happen? What riches do you want to possess when you are finally wise enough to make enlightened use of them, and how can you boost your eligibility for those riches? Which one of your glorious dreams is not quite ripe enough for you to fulfill it, but is primed to be dramatically ripened in the coming weeks? If I were you, Leo, I would meditate on these questions. Answers will be forthcoming.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): At an elementary school festival some years ago, I performed the role of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. One of my tasks was to ask kids to make a wish, whereupon I sprinkled their heads with magic fairy dust. Some of the kids were skeptical about the whole business. They questioned the proposition that the fairy dust would make their wishes come true. A few were so suspicious that they walked away without making a wish or accepting the fairy dust. Yet every single one of those distrustful kids came back later to tell me they had changed their minds, and every single one asked me to bestow more than the usual amount of fairy dust. They are your role models, Virgo. Like them, you should return to the scene of your doubts and demand extra fairy dust.