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April 5, 2012

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ARIES

 (March 21-April 19): Please study this testimony: “Born in a rancid, bat-infested cave at the base of the smoldering Sangay Volcano, I was raised by the half-bear demon princess Arcastia. At the age of four my training as a ninja shaman began when I was left naked and alone next to a stream of burning lava with only two safety pins, a package of dental floss, and a plastic bag full of Cheerios. My mission: to find my way to my spiritual home.” Now, Aries, I’d like you to compose your own version of this declaration: a playful, over-the-top myth about your origins that gives you a greater appreciation for the heroic journey you’ve been on all these years.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20): Our ancestors owned slaves and denied education to young women. What were they thinking? Time magazine asked renowned historian David McCullough if there was anything we do today that our descendants will regard as equally insane and inexcusable. His reply: “How we could have spent so much time watching TV.” I’ll ask you, Taurus, to apply this same exercise on a personal level. Think of some things you did when you were younger that now seem incomprehensible or ignorant. Then explore the possibility that you will look back with incredulity at some weird habit or tweaked form of self-indulgence you’re pursuing today.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20): “I can’t tell if I’m dealing well with life these days or if I just don’t give a shit any more.” I stumbled upon that comment at someecards.com, and I decided to pass it along for your consideration. You may be pondering the same riddle: feeling suspicious about why you seem more relaxed and tolerant than usual in the face of plain old everyday chaos. I’m here to tell you my opinion, which is that your recent equanimity is not rooted in jaded numbness. Rather, it’s the result of some hard work you did on yourself during the last six months. Congrats and enjoy!

CANCER

(June 21-July 22): What excites you, Cancerian? What mobilizes your self-discipline and inspires you to see the big picture? I encourage you to identify those sources of high-octane fuel, and then take extraordinary measures to make them a strong presence in your life. There has rarely been a better time than now for you to do this. It could create effects that will last for years. (P.S. Here’s a nudge from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Every great and commanding movement in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it.”)

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22): While browsing in a bookstore, I came across a book and deck of cards that were collectively called “Tarot Secrets.” The subtitle of the kit was “A Fast and Easy Way to Learn a Powerful Ancient Art.” I snorted derisively to read that claim, since I myself have studied Tarot intensively for years and am nowhere near mastery. Later, though, when I was back home meditating on your horoscope, I softened my attitude a bit. The astrological omens do indeed suggest that in the upcoming weeks and months, you just might be able to learn a rather substantial skill in a relatively short time.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Writing in The New Yorker, Joanna Ravenna paraphrased German philosopher Nietzsche: “The best way to enrage people is to force them to change their mind about you.” I’d like to see you mutate this theory in the coming weeks, Virgo. If possible, see if you can amuse and entertain people, not enrage them, by compelling them to change their minds about you. I realize that’s a tricky proposition, but given the current astrological omens, I have faith that you can pull it off.

by

April 5, 2012

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