Homework: Read my response to the periodic Internet rumors that astrology is based on wrong assumptions, and that there’s a 13th sign: http://bit.ly/13thsignhoax
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Caution: You may soon be exposed to outbreaks of peace, intelligence, and mutual admiration. Sweet satisfactions might erupt unexpectedly. Rousing connections could become almost routine, and useful revelations may proliferate. Are you prepared to fully accept this surge of grace? Or will you be suspicious of the chance to feel soulfully successful? I hope you can find a way to at least temporarily adopt an almost comically expansive optimism. That might be a good way to ensure you’re not blindsided by delight.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Brainwashing” is a word with negative connotations. It refers to an intensive indoctrination that scours away a person’s convictions and replaces them with a new set of rigid beliefs. But I’d like to propose an alternative definition for your use in the coming days. According to my astrological analysis, you now have an extraordinary power to thoroughly wash your own brain—thereby flushing away toxic thoughts and trashy attitudes that might have collected there. I invite you to have maximum fun as you make your inner landscape clean and sparkly.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): My astrological divinations suggest that a lightning storm is headed your way, metaphorically speaking. But it shouldn’t inconvenience you much -- unless you do the equivalent of getting drunk, stumbling out into the wasteland, and screaming curses toward heaven. (I don’t recommend that.) For best results, consider this advice: Take shelter from the storm, preferably in your favorite sanctuary. Treat yourself to more silence and serenity than you usually do. Meditate with the relaxed ferocity of a Zen monk high on Sublime Emptiness. Got all that? Now here’s the best part: Compose a playfully edgy message to God, telling Her about all the situations you want Her to help you transform during the next 12 months.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Novelist Tom Robbins said this about my work: “I’ve seen the future of American literature and its name is Rob Brezsny.” Oscar-winning actress Marisa Tomei testified, “Rob Brezsny gets my nomination for best prophet in a starring role. He’s a script doctor for the soul.” Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Jason Mraz declared, “Rob Brezsny writes everybody’s favorite astrology column. I dig him for his powerful yet playful insights, his poetry and his humor.” Are you fed up with my boasts yet, Sagittarius? I will spare you from further displays of egomania under one condition: You have to brag about yourself a lot in the coming days -- and not just with understated little chirps and peeps. Your expressions of self-appreciation must be lush, flamboyant, exultant, witty, and sincere.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): By normal standards, your progress should be vigorous in the coming weeks. You may score a new privilege, increase your influence, or forge a connection that boosts your ability to attract desirable resources. But accomplishments like those will be secondary to an even more crucial benchmark: Will you understand yourself better? Will you cultivate a more robust awareness of your strengths and weaknesses, your needs and your duties? Will you get clear about what you have to learn and what you have to jettison?
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I’m confident that you would never try to sneak through customs with cocaine-laced goat meat or a hundred live tarantulas or some equally prohibited contraband. Please use similar caution as you gear up for your rite of passage or metaphorical border crossing. Your intentions should be pure and your conscience clear. Any baggage you take with you should be free of nonsense and delusions. To ensure the best possible outcome, arm yourself with the highest version of brave love that you can imagine.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Should you be worried if you have fantasies of seducing a deity, angel, or superhero? Will it be weird if some night soon you dream of an erotic rendezvous with a mermaid, satyr, or centaur? I say no. In fact, I’d regard events like these as healthy signs. They would suggest that you’re ready to tap into mythic and majestic yearnings that have been buried deep in your psyche. They might mean your imagination wants to steer you toward experiences that will energize the smart animal within you. And this would be in accordance with the most exalted cosmic tendencies. Try saying this affirmation: “I am brilliantly primal. I am wildly wise. I am divinely surprising.”
ARIES (March 21-April 19): What should you do if your allies get bogged down by excess caution or lazy procrastination? Here’s what I advise: Don’t confront them or berate them. Instead, cheerfully do what must be done without their help. And what action should you take if mediocrity begins to creep into collaborative projects? Try this: Figure out how to restore excellence, and cheerfully make it happen. And how should you proceed if the world around you seems to have fallen prey to fear-induced apathy or courage-shrinking numbness? My suggestion: Cheerfully kick the world’s butt—with gentle but firm good humor.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): For the foreseeable future, your main duty is to be in love. Rowdily and innocently in love. Meticulously and shrewdly in love. In love with whom or what? Everyone and everything—or at least with as much of everyone and everything as you can manage. I realize this is a breathtaking assignment that will require you to push beyond some of your limitations and conjure up almost superhuman levels of generosity. But that’s exactly what the cosmic omens suggest is necessary if you want to break through to the next major chapter of your life story.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What do you hope to be when you are all grown up, Gemini? An irresistible charmer who is beloved by many and owned by none? A master multi-tasker who’s paid well for the art of never being bored? A versatile virtuoso who is skilled at brokering truces and making matches and tinkering with unique blends? The coming weeks will be a favorable time to entertain fantasies like these—to dream about your future success and happiness. You are likely to generate good fortune for yourself as you brainstorm and play with the pleasurable possibilities. I invite you to be as creative as you dare.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Dear Soul Doctor: I have been trying my best to body-surf the flood of feelings that swept me away a few weeks ago. So far I haven’t drowned! That’s good news, right? But I don’t know how much longer I can stay afloat. It’s hard to maintain so much concentration. The power and volume of the surge doesn’t seem to be abating. Are there any signs that I won’t have to do this forever? Will I eventually reach dry land?—Careening Crab.” Dear Careening: Five or six more days, at the most: You won’t have to hold out longer than that. During this last stretch, see if you can enjoy the ride more. Re-imagine your journey as a rambunctious adventure rather than a harrowing ordeal. And remember to feel grateful: Not many people have your capacity to feel so deeply.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If there can be such a thing as a triumphant loss, you will achieve it sometime soon. If anyone can slink in through the back door but make it look like a grand entrance, it’s you. I am in awe of your potential to achieve auspicious reversals and medicinal redefinitions. Plain old simple justice may not be available, but I bet you’ll be able to conjure up some unruly justice that’s just as valuable. To assist you in your cagey maneuvers, I offer this advice: Don’t let your prowess make you overconfident, and always look for ways to use your so-called liabilities to your advantage.
Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work. It’s all in the stars.