Dr. Rick
“I found a way to be loved. I became the consummate people pleaser. If I could do what others wanted, they’d like me and I’d be loved. Relationship after relationship I attracted and chose people who were takers. And I gave and gave. I went about never allowing myself to need anything or anyone. I could handle everything. I couldn’t allow myself to need. It threatened my sense of security.” — Joan T.
Men who need, women who give. A chemically-dependent partner, and the partner who enables. The chronically unemployed, and the spouse who works three jobs.
How do we get into these predicaments? Well, we learn our roles early in life, then find scenarios in which to play them out. We sleep-walk on automatic pilot. And we don’t wake up until we’re ready to.
Consider this: When we focus on pleasing others, we keep ourselves in a constant state of anxiety and dependence. Dependent on their approval, and anxious we won’t get it.