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Alex Teach

The Power, the Passion...The Stakeout

"Whoever went to the trouble of seizing this $200 dollar piece of sh...in the name of the Great State of Tennessee will always have my respect, and I hope to this day it was crushed somewhere with dignity.” more »

Aug 7, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

A Short Essay On The Physics of Drunkeness

It was exactly where dispatch said it would be so it was easy to find…but it’s always easy to spot a car when it’s upside down. more »

Dec 17, 2014 5:42 PM On The Beat

The Camaraderie of The Thin Blue Line

I was in a hot tub in a Hyatt hotel just outside of Nashville when a complete stranger across from me asked if “the deal about the thin blue line, about the camaraderie, was as real as TV and movies makes it out to be?” more »

Dec 10, 2014 5:14 PM On The Beat

Kaynine On Kall

He sat in the center of the back seat, his front legs locked, yet still nimble enough to deal with the G-forces as I occasionally slowed or turned more quickly than inertia allows a 60-pound quadruped sitting on cushioned vinyl... more »

Dec 4, 2014 10:39 AM On The Beat

Have a Happy Copsgiving

Picture it: The cloying scent of multiple dishes of food combining to permeate every pore of your body (as well as your clothing—you will smell delicious the next time you wear that fall sweater). more »

Nov 26, 2014 4:45 PM On The Beat

Fight Or...Well...Fight

“NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER!” my partner cried as he took our customer to the ground in a surprisingly graceful rotating arm-bar takedown. more »

Nov 20, 2014 9:54 AM On The Beat

Welcome to the Fast Lane

“It’s such bullshit,” said Young Chattanoogan #1. He was referring to a speed-reduction initiative taking place on Highway 153 a week ago. And by “speed-reduction initiative,” I mean a carpet-bombing of cops ... more »

Nov 13, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Informant’s Take On Karma

She’d gone wiggy on me. “Just who all knows about me? I want every email, every phone message. Every tip I passed on,” Angela asked. I worked on soothing her ... more »

Nov 6, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Plain Truth In Plain Clothes

I recently had the pleasure of attending a birthday party for a friend out of town. (Those last three words, of course, being quite important to this week’s column.) more »

Oct 30, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Out of Mind, Out of Sight

I winced as the coffee ran over the Styrofoam cup’s brim and down across my fingers like a white-hot phantom, my feet still moving as I negotiated the well-worn but filthy trail, my breath visible due to the low temperatures ... more »

Oct 23, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Trunkajunk, Cop Version

Officer Alex’s cop car is a rollling collection of...well, just about everything imaginable. Just don’t let me get to my trunk. Not a threat. Just a statement of fact... more »

Oct 16, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat 1 Comments

The Flying Feathers of Chickenmageddon

“The Ridgecut.” Such a simple name for such a horrible stretch of Interstate, but that’s where we were because that’s the place a semi-truck hauling enough live chickens to feed Cuba on a Saturday night jackknifed ... more »

Oct 9, 2014 10:16 AM On The Beat

Throwing Us Under The Bus. Again.

Sorry, kids, but no stories this week. The truth? I prefer them myself, but on occasion I can’t think of awkward anecdotes because I’m too annoyed to focus on telling stories ... more »

Oct 2, 2014 10:34 AM On The Beat 2 Comments

It Was Raining in the Freezer Section

Tonight’s customer had fallen asleep (passed out?) on the railroad tracks behind the Emma Wheeler Homes. The scent of unemployment and apathy was balanced by the squealing laughter of children, and they made coming in here ... more »

Sep 25, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Tales From The Pigpile

We spot him on the front porch of his house on Foust Street before he spots us, which is kind of surprising since we are very distinctly dressed as “cops” and he is a thief and a robber with three felony warrants out for his arrest. more »

Sep 18, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Mementos Mori

I held a chilled crystal glass in my left hand while my right index finger traced the spines of a dozen books on a shelf just above my head, and I smiled to myself. more »

Sep 11, 2014 10:01 AM On The Beat

Sleep of the Civil Servant

Sleep. I’ve spent a sizeable amount of my career on midnight shift, and of all the excitement, all the different things I’ve seen and done, that is the one word that comes to mind. more »

Sep 4, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

Protect And Serve

While I am loath to broach the topic after the media circus that has (clearly unintentionally) caused its own media circus regarding the audacity of police to respond aggressively to having shots fired ... more »

Aug 28, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

One Cop’s View of Ferguson, Missouri

You can believe you are right. You can believe that your first hearing of a tragic story is absolutely, completely accurate with zero margin for error and just run with it... more »

Aug 21, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat 1 Comments

Love Poem to My Batmobile

Officer Alex recalls good times with his sweet, sweet Caprice. more »

Aug 14, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat

In Pipe Dreams Begins Responsibility

On vacation, Officer Alex muses on lightning and refugee kids. more »

Jul 31, 2014 12:00 AM On The Beat