Teach, Alex, Columnist

Officer Teach’s Guide to the Art of Testifying

Thu, 16 May 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Being a charitable fellow and also an eternal teacher at heart, I believed I was pre-determined to ‘help’ them by destroying any semblance of rhythm on their part.

Failure to Communicate

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:00:00 GMT

“NO! DON’T TOUCH IT! DO NOT TOUCH THAT GUN!” He just looked at me stupidly, head cocked to the side, and his left hand gripped the bottom of his untucked shirt to lift it higher as his right hand moved towards the gun…

Lawsuits of the Stupid and Stupider

Wed, 01 May 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Despite his wound, the old guy is able to return fire with his .357 revolver and hits his burglarizing, home-invading drug-addict attacker four times.

Training Day

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 00:00:00 GMT

A few decades ago they issued axe handles out of garbage cans on the back lot of police headquarters to assist in quelling race-riots that plagued Chattanooga. I can safely mention this now because literally all the administrators responsible for tha

Greasy Bullets: The Cop Diet

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 00:00:00 GMT

It seemed plausible that we had easily consumed more fried chicken livers than any two men combined in local history, and too much of such a unique element had to have consequences.

Cease Fire? Great.

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 00:00:00 GMT

I was recently asked what I thought about a truce called by local gang leaders a few weeks ago (as of press time). My response was both quick and heartfelt: “Great.”

A Desk Job in East Chattanooga

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Jesus, was that smell me? I rolled back semi-reclined and glanced to see blood still on my boots, but it didn’t have time to have “gone over,” and there certainly weren’t any brains on them; I had been careful.

Crime Culprit: Cops

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 00:00:00 GMT

I’m a brilliant sumbitch, but even Einstein would deduce that drugs are openly sold because there are people willing to pay for them, and therefore people will be willing to sell them no matter the consequences.

Cowards: The New Heroes

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 00:00:00 GMT

This guy was shot in the back. He was unarmed. I heard it was over a girl.” My young General looked confused. I said, “That’s not gangsta; that’s a coward.

Excessive Force

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Last week, a graphic video of local police using force to affect an arrest was released prompting discord from every corner of the city, from citizens to administrators.

Rights & Responsibilities

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Take advantage of your inalienable rights. Stand up for yourself and others, and more importantly for others who cannot stand up for themselves—but keep your head about you and you can keep $175,000 dollars in bond...

Bad to the Bone

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMT

Hate it or not in your idealistic world, there comes a time when you just have to stop getting cops killed and shoot a place full of tear gas and let the chips fall where they may.

Politics as Blood Sport

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMT

As a cop, you know things and you know people. Lots of them. Despite my general cynicism, people really do have an interest in a cop’s opinion because while disturbing, cops tend to see things most people don’t have access to.

Laws & Lawlessness

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 00:00:00 GMT

While Congress wrestles with this emerging phenomena largely by ignoring it, they are at least continuing to place restrictions on the only ones actually following these “laws.”