Columns

Shrink Rap with Dr. Rick

Love Your Inner Cracked Pot -Sometimes your “flaws”are part of your unique self

May 07, 2008

While Dr. Rick is on vacation, we are reprinting some of readers’ favorites columns.

I want to share this fable with you.

An elderly woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole that she carried across the back of her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. Feeling like a bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers for my table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace my home.”

The moral, of course, goes something like this: Each of us is unique. It’s the cracks and flaws that make our lives together so interesting and colorful. Perhaps we can better learn to accept each other for who we are and look for the good. Perhaps “flaws” and “cracks” are just a matter of perception.

It’s important to realize that we are all works in progress. And when we do wish to make changes and improvements, it’s healthy to do so through the lens of self-esteem. The following is what I call a “Self-Esteem Checklist” to spark the process of taking stock of your life – looking, realistically, at what works, and what doesn’t:

• Freud said to love and to work are all we need. How is your love life? Are you happily involved? Happily single? Is there something about the types of people you become involved with that you need to change?

• How is your work life? Do you look forward to waking up every morning with a sense of purpose to your day? You’re the only one who can choose to set your path in a new direction if that’s what you desire.

• How balanced is your life? Are you a workaholic, or do you strike a healthy balance between work, love, family, fun, and relaxation? Balance is important in order to avoid burnout and feeling overwhelmed.

• The Mind/Body/Spirit connection. How is your health? Do you help yourself to stay healthy physically? Are you keeping your mind sharp with thought-provoking conversations/books/movies? What about the state of your spirituality? Whether you’re a churchgoer, meditator, or tree-hugger, it’s important to develop a sense of connectedness in your life.

• Friendships. It’s a sure-fire sabotage of a relationship with a sig other to expect him/her to be your everything. And so we have friends. Some to confide in, some to laugh/cry with, some to discuss esotery with, some to pig out with. And some to grow old with.

Take a look at this list every now and then, perhaps every year on your birthday. See how well you’re doing in the self-esteem department. Which cracks are you keeping, and which do you want to change? It’s up to you.

And meanwhile, remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path.

Till next week: “Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can!”
— Entertainer Danny Kaye (1913-1987)

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” His talk radio show, “Feel Good with Dr. Rick,” airs live every Monday at noon on The WAWL, 91.5FM. Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com for more info.