If you’re like me, you love vampires. They’re mysterious and alluring and oh so sexy.
But they’re simultaneously destructive, violent, and murderous. Both human and inhuman, vampires are complex, tragically flawed monsters with whom we can empathize. And even grow to love.
However there is one way in which traditional vampire lore has left me wanting. You see, vampires are typically characterized as tall, graceful, and conventionally beautiful creatures. There’s no problem with that depiction per se, it’s just that personally I’ve always wanted to see some fat vampires in the mix.
Fat vampires have to exist. Vampires are people, and people are fat. So it’s only logical that there are plenty of fat vampires out there. You just won’t see them depicted in Hollywood movies, or see them on the cover of those glossy vampire magazines. And that sucks for a guy like me… a guy who loves vampires and is also fat.
That’s why I was so thrilled to learn about Dan Spencer and his new single, Fat Vampire. It’s like the guy wrote a song just for me. I finally felt seen and heard.
But I’m more than a fat guy. I’m also a fat guy who is lazy. So I was positively delighted to learn that Dan Spencer’s new album also has a song called Lazy Vampire. If he goes on to write a song called Chicken Wing Vampire, I’ll have to conclude that Dan Spencer has installed some neurolink spyware in my brain.
Okay look, I’m being a doofus here. Obviously, Dan Spencer’s not writing songs about a literal fat vampire who eats too many processed foods and doesn’t get enough exercise. I’m pretty sure the fat vampire is a metaphor for the depressive, self-destructive impulses that threaten to drain his life.
Like a vampire, this album is dark and sad. But it’s also melodically beautiful and powerful and sensual. Dan Spencer has a voice so rich and buttery you could baste a chicken breast in it. And his band really hits hard too.
Dan Spencer will be in Chattanooga this Sunday, August 18th at the Dragon’s Roast (formerly the Dark Roast) on Frazier Avenue. Doors open at 7, and music starts at 8. Dixon Blake Callahan and The Reckon Crew will open the show.