Abba’s House turns Santorium

Get out your sweater vests, Chattanooga! Dark Horse douchebag-turned-potential Republican front-runner Rick Santorum comes to town on Saturday, Feb. 25, for a Chattanooga Tea Party event at Abba’s House in Hixson.

In a Right-Side Editorial in the schizophrenic Times Free Press  last Sunday, the giddily delusional Free Pressers hailed Santorum the Republican Party’s front-runner of-the-moment, noting he leads Mitt Romney by 7 percentage points in the Volunteer State. Only editorial and sports writers ever refer to Tennessee as the “Volunteer State,” but nevermind that.

Santorum is a particularly offensive human being whose views of America are lodged in an era thankfully long gone yet still embraced by a stalwart brand of sheltered, fear-mongers dead set on preserving American Values, circa 1950.

That Santorum is leading in various polls is more about the party’s jangling nerves than the ex-senator’s popularity. Romney’s Rollercoaster President-or-Bust Tour continues to zig-zag across the Union as his “message” is continually unmasked as nothing more than naked ambition backed by ... naked ambition. And Newt GingRich? If it weren’t for the SuperPacs, funded by oddball super-rich patrons, acts like Newt and Ron Paul would be over by now. How long does it take for Joe Six-Pack to understand this, we wonder? But maybe it’s Joe 18-Pack these days—or maybe 24.

To the delight of many, Sanctimonious Santorum will be preaching to the Lemming Choir in Hixson, as Free Press fans tout Santorum’s alleged fiscal expertise and paint him as the candidate to face Obama. But that’s all he is: A candidate—with little else but extremist views and a sweater vest.

Pray for rain.