Yes, it's really happening. No, there isn't a real debate. Deal with it.
After failing miserably last month to give you a full-sized “Top 10” list of Human Parasites, I thought I’d try again, and see if I can make it to at least Seven Signs of Climate Change. So, here we go:
#1 It’s Hotter Than Usual
Let’s face it, this summer has barely gotten started and it’s already miserable here in the #CHA. To make things worse, it’s even more humid than usual. But, that’s just because of the moisture from all the insanely strong storms that seem to roll through the area every five hours or so. Of course, those storms are stronger than usual because the overall temperature of the planet has ticked up a bit, so there’s more energy kicking around in the atmosphere, which gives us stronger storms.
#2 It’s Been Colder Than Usual
This may seem like a distant dream at this point, but Spring this year was a little extra chilly at times…weirdly, uncomfortably so. I don’t think I’ve ever had to wear my good jacket so late into the Spring to keep warm in the mornings. Of course, by the end of the day I was sweating like crazy and trying to pull off as many layers as possible without getting arrested for indecent exposure. Temperature-wise, it was a very topsy-turvy spring.
#3 Winter Is Com…Wait. Did Winter Happen?
Seriously. Did we actually have Winter this year? It all seemed just like one big, long “fallspring” to me.
#4 Iceberg! Dead Ahead!!
Just last week, an insanely large iceberg broke free from the “Larsen C” Ice Shelf in Antarctica and began to bob its way around the ocean. How large is “insanely” large? Well, it’s about the size of Delaware, and it’s estimated to weigh about a trillion Tons.
Yes. A trillion tons.
That’s a lot of ice, and losing it is very very bad. The less ice at the poles, the less sunlight and heat are reflected back into space, which means the planet will warm up that much faster.
#5 Pesky Pests Are Peskier Than Usual
I touched on this last month, but it’s already apparent that this is going to be a banner year for mosquitoes, fleas and other parasites and pests that love warmer weather. Personally, I’ve never been bothered all that much by mosquitoes…I’m just not one of those people they like to bite.
At least I wasn’t until this year. This year the wee monsters have been at me as much as the people around me, which is annoying. It’s almost as if they’ve evolved a taste for my blood too.
#6 Glacier? I Barely Know Her!
All over the world, glaciers are shrinking. This makes sense, because it’s getting warmer all over the world too. At the same time, permafrost is melting, which may be an even more ominous thing. That’s because inside the permafrost are frozen bacteria, viruses and animals. As the permafrost melts, these things are thawing out, and in some cases, waking up.
In 2012, a boy in Siberia died after being exposed to Anthrax (the virus, not the band), that seems to have been lying dormant in a reindeer carcass that was previously encased in permafrost. Who knows what other diseases are about to wake up from their long naps?
#7 Sea Level Is Rising
In Chesapeake Bay, Virginia, there is a small island town, Tangier, that’s about to disappear forever due to sea level rise. It’s a slow process, but the island should be completely gone within the next 30 years or so.
Fortunately, it’s not really a problem. At least not for President Trump. In a June phone call with island Mayor James Eskridge, Trump said, “not to worry about sea-level rise.”
Why not?
Because, as Trump also told Eskridge, “Your island has been there for hundreds of years, and I believe your island will be there for hundreds more.” Now that’s some solid science right there! I don’t know why we even bother with “research” and “experiments” anymore. All you gotta do is believe!
Thanks, Trump!
Steven W. Disbrow is a programmer who specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems development, an entrepreneur, comic-book nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personality and parent of two human children.