If you’re a music fan here in Chattanooga, you’ve probably crossed paths with this stinky idiot.
Maybe he checked your ID while working as a doorman. Maybe he cleaned up your empty beer cans while bar-backing. Or maybe you had the misfortune of waiting in line behind him for a public restroom.
Whatever the circumstances, you’ve probably met this stinky idiot at some point. And when you did, you probably thought to yourself: “Wow, what an idiot! Why is he so stinky?”
The answer to that question is simple: because he is gassy. Dairy gives him gas. Greasy meats give him gas. Even a healthy meal of boiled lentils and steamed broccoli will cause his butt to erupt like the cannons of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture.
But here’s the great news for local music fans who like stinky idiots: this stinky idiot will perform a concert with his band on Thursday, May 23rd at the Woodshop Listening Room at 8pm. So mark your calendars!
No literally… stop reading this article for a moment, go to your calendar, find the little square for May 23rd, and write “STINKY IDIOT.”
Okay, look. Can I be honest with you for a second?
That stinky idiot has a name. It’s Alex Volz. And if you look at the byline for this article, you’ll notice it was also written by Alex Volz. I am he, and he is me.
You see, in addition to playing music and depleting the ozone with my personal methane emissions, I’ve also been known to write articles about our local music scene for the Chattanooga Pulse. It’s a great way to meet new artists and to get the word out about upcoming concerts.
So when it’s finally time for me to play a concert with my band, of course I want to get the word out by writing an article for the Chattanooga Pulse. But while I’m happy to write glowing reviews of others and praise their creativity and hard work, it feels… weird to do that about myself.
It would seem obnoxious and self-aggrandizing for Alex Volz to write an article about how great Alex Volz is. And surely it would violate some code of journalistic ethics. Right?
So I guess I decided it would be fun to make a joke out of the whole situation and call myself a stinky idiot from the pages of the Chattanooga Pulse.
And while I’m not too proud to admit that my use of the word “stinky” is journalistically accurate, I do not actually consider myself an idiot. To the contrary, I think I’m a pretty funny guy who puts on a sweet live show.
And more importantly, I think my band is awesome! I’ve got drums from Scott Keil, bass by Ross Singer, Cody Ray on the baritone and lap steel, and Emma DuBose on the fiddle. It’s a party for your ears and everyone’s invited.
And best of all, our upcoming show at the Woodshop this Thursday at 8pm is totally 100% free. That’s right, no cover charge. So unless it’s storming that night and you’re worried about road conditions, you really have no excuse to stay home.