Welcome to Hell's Gate: Kuwait
Editor’s note: Over the past fifteen years, whenever we hear that one of our contributors is traveling abroad, we like to ask them to write about their experience. We’ve share stories on trips to Europe, South America, and even Southeast Asia. But until now, we’ve never visited the Middle East (at least as a tourist).
Welcome to Kuwait, the land of sun and sand. If you have suffered through the winter in Minnesota and have developed a terminal case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, make reservations now for a summer in Kuwait. You will thaw quickly when the summer temperatures reach 130 degrees Fahrenheit.
The surface of the Sun is only slightly warmer than Kuwait in summer. The Kuwaiti beach stretches from the Persian Gulf to the borders of Iraq and Saudi Arabia. You could say that the entire country is one big beach.
Some folks here in the States may be saying, “Where the hell is Kuwait?” I suggest you find a Gulf War veteran, one was called to rescue Kuwait from Saddam Hussein when Hussein decided to annex the Kuwaiti beach and all the oil underneath it.
A Gulf War veteran will certainly be able to identify it on a world map. This is a skill that the majority of Americans can’t demonstrate. At the same time, he/she can show you the famous Iraqi salute which entails interlacing the fingers of both hands and placing them behind your head.
If you live in the tristate area, there is ample evidence that some of your neighbors may have been in the Gulf War. If you can reach the inner security perimeter at the U.S. embassy in Kuwait, you will find a Russian T54/55 tank with a note on the barrel that reads “To Bulldog from Rocky Top”. The Tennessee National Guard gave the captured tank as a gift to the U.S. ambassador at the time who was from Georgia.
Some will say Kuwait is in a bad neighborhood with Iraq to the north and west, Saudi Arabia to the south and west, and Iran a short distance across the Persian Gulf to the east.
The Sunnis in Saudi Arabia hate the Shias in Iran and vice versa. The Arabs in Saudi hate the Persians in Iran and vice versa. The Shias in Iraq hate the Sunnis in Iraq and vice versa. Kuwait manages to circumvent the religious hatreds of its neighbors by worshipping American Consumerism.
The Kuwaiti skyline and highway system are reminiscent of America except for the speed bumps that appear out of nowhere when you are driving at 60 mph on a six lane highway. Traffic flow is much like Atlanta except for many more “punishment lights” that back up traffic for miles in every direction. Vehicles are similar to those you would see in Dallas. Cadillac El Dorados, GMC Yukons, Chevy Silverados, and especially Ford Mustangs are the favored vehicles in Kuwait.
It is like America with horrible drivers who speed, tailgate, and play with their cell phones. Their recklessness is reflected is this statistic: Kuwait has the most traffic deaths per capita than any country in the world.
In 2013, Conde Nast Traveler rated Kuwait as the world’s fifth most “unfriendly city”. In 2014, Expat Insider rated it the worst country in the world for expats to live. Kuwait has the highest rates of obesity (48.6 percent) and the highest rates of water consumption on earth. Water consumption at 500 liters is double the international average.
Kuwait also has one of the world highest rates of waste generation, and much of the waste can be viewed from the highways as it is mixed with sand to form huge sand and garbage dunes. However, if you hate rain but love dust storms, desalinated water, alcohol prohibition, and sexual abstinence, then Kuwait is calling you.
Kuwait is a really good idea gone wrong. In 1938, geologist discovered that Kuwait floated on an ocean of oil. Before this discovery, Kuwait City was a city without Kuwaitis. In other words, there was no recognition of a Kuwaiti identity. Residents mostly thought of themselves in terms of their tribal identity or their continents or countries of origin i.e. Africans, Indians, Iraqis, Iranians, etc.
Kuwait City was cosmopolitan, open, tolerant society with a varied economy. Maritime trade, fishing, herding, pearling, and farming formed the foundation of an economy that was supportive of the basic needs of its population but was not one that boomed with excessive profits.
In 1946, the first oil was exported. By 1948, the country’s income from oil was 5.6 million dollars, and by 1953 it had skyrocketed to 169 million dollars. This bonanza went straight to the Emir’s coffers.
In 1950, Abdullah al-Salem ascended to the office of Emir. With consultation from famous architect Le Corbusier and his “Modernists” disciples, he developed a master plan to turn Kuwait into the best planned, most progressive city in the Middle East.
The Emir wanted to use the vast oil wealth to create a utopia. He spent vast amounts of money on an educational and medical care infrastructure and “decontextualizing” the small port city. The process of “decontextualizing” entailed tearing down the old buildings in the maritime city and rebuilding them to mimic American suburbs.
In the early to middle ‘50s, it began to dawn on the Emir and his power structure that their vast oil wealth was not infinite. The population was rapidly increasing and the pieces of this very large pie were, nevertheless, getting smaller. They chose to address this issue by defining benefit eligibility in increasingly narrow terms.
To be eligible to benefit directly from oil money you had to be a “citizen”. In 1959, “citizens” were defined as those whose families had lived in Kuwait since 1920 and were permanent residents inside the city gates in 1959. In one fell swoop, most immigrants (since 1920) and nomads lost their citizenship. Bedouins had lived in the deserts of Kuwait for centuries but in 1959 they became “stateless”.
At the same time naturalization was virtually eliminated. A maximum of 50 people could be naturalized annually and only if they had achieved something of great importance for Kuwait.
The Emir and his social engineers had successfully created a privileged class of citizens and an underclass of expats. Today less than one-third of the population are “citizens”.
The benefits of citizenship for those who can claim it are immense. “Citizens” are guaranteed a cushy government job. If they have a lower paying job in the private sector, the government will supplement their salary. They receive rent and utilities supplements, free medical care and free education through college. Many times Kuwaitis are sent, all expenses paid, to American universities.
Additional benefits are as follows: all imports, retail sales, and contracts can only be transacted through “citizens”. Only Kuwaitis have a guaranteed pension benefit and civil service tenure. They are the only ones who can own land and, believe it or not, they are the only ones who can own a pick-up truck.
If you are a Kuwaiti, you are sitting “fat, dumb, and happy”. If you are not a “citizen”, you are on your own. In the 1960’s, the privileged citizens began to isolate themselves socially and geographically and developed a deep sense of superiority. This lead to hostility from the non-citizens who lost any sense of allegiance to Kuwait.
In 1964, Fahri Shebab a consultant to the Emir had this description of Kuwaiti society: “The new citizen is content to enjoy a life of leisure and inertia and is unhappy that this happy state of affairs should be disturbed. Protected, pampered, lavishly provided for and accountable to no one, he lives in a world of make-believe.” (This is a country that actually may need a Republican or two.)
Although I have endeavored to dissuade you from a vacation in Kuwait, I know that some of you intrepid adventure travelers will not heed this good advice, even though it may mean descending into the gates of hell.
So if you are dead set on going there, I can at least give you some information that will make your adventure more pleasant. Do not go in spring, summer, or fall. Go in the winter, preferably in January when the high temperatures are between 65 and 75 degrees.
Make sure you catch the camel races at the Kuwait Race Club every Saturday. It is a very long race. It is six kilometers. Can you imagine getting a pampered thoroughbred to sprint that far? This is more than twice the distance of the longest Triple Crown track. The Belmont Stakes is 1.5 miles.
Camel racing does have a sordid past. At one time, camels were ridden by children, some as young as three years old. These young jockeys were from poor countries like India, Afghanistan, and Pakistan and were acquired by camel owners through human traffickers. After years of condemnation by the world community especially the United States, Kuwait passed a law about ten years ago, outlawing underage camel jockeys.
This led to one of the most interesting innovations in the history of camel racing: the robot camel jockey. These “robots” are mostly home-made devices. Pieces of plastic attached to a cordless drill function as a whip and is operated by a garage door opener.
The handlers drive along both sides of the track in cars talking to their camels with walkie-talkies. Camels, cars, and trainers arrive at the finish line in a cloud of dust. This spectacle is worth the price of admission. Did I tell you that admission is free?
As for the rest of your “vacation”…well, did I mention they have robot camel jockeys?